I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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