rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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