My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
