I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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