you guys were way drunker than both of me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
