Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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