Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
