No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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