I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
