Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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