i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
