5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
