Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
