how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
