i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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