so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
