It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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