my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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