so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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