Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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