is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
