One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
