I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize