how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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