so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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