Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
