just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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