just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
