U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This baby is an asshole
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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