You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
