This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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