I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
no you cant smoke seaweed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
