I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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