There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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