I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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