I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
