hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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