What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
