Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
