Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
