The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
