you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
