It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
