Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
