But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
