so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
