What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
