i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize