finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
