Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
