So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
