my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
