i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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