and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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