and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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