Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The air taste purple.
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