Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
