we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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