take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize