i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
