My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize