What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
