i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
