Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize