please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
