So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize