I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
