No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
