I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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