Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
