I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My cat gives me a boner
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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