Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
