Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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