in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
