Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
