plz talk dirty to me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
