I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
