I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
