New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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