Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
