At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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