Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
