i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
