i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
