whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
