Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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