my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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