why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
