it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
