i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
