I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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