White coat. Heels.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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