Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize