That's intense
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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