I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
