WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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